|
|
Post by garygates on Dec 10, 2013 0:44:00 GMT
How does Connie attempt to compensate for her lack of guidance in terms of morality and identity?
|
|
|
|
Post by garygates on Dec 10, 2013 2:13:37 GMT
I am not trying to portray Connie in necessarily a negative light because her actions are in my opinion a result of her parents care for her, but I believe that Connie compensates for a lack of guidance by becoming purposefully over-indendent. Similar to the actions of the 1960s counter-culture teen population, Connie responds radically to her parents by overcompensating for the fact that she does not feel like her parents care for her. This means that instead of just growing naturally independent due to her parents lack of care, Connie exaggerates her independence to make a point to her parents. Her attempt at independence can be seen in her late-night trips to town where she spends time engaging in sexually activity in the back of dark alleys with boys that she barely knows. Connie does not seem like she really wants to have sex with men, or that she feels emotional connections to the boys that she goes out with, but just engages in these activities because she does not know how to act, and possibly also does so in spite of her parents, to further herself from even becoming remotely like those that have abandoned her. If we were just to superficially judge Connie, based the above actions, we could label Connie as a promiscuous girl, but internally I think that she is just lost. She has not really established a true identity and without strong examples about which to establish her identity and figure her morals, Connie is in a way aimlessly wandering around, avoiding her parents morals and in doing so curiously exploring a darker and unknown moral area.
Connie's exploration of darker morals and identity is also continued later in "Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?" An idea that I explored in class discussion and aligned with my overall interpretation of the short story was that Connie's conversation with Arnold was a surreal nightmare. This theory can be backed up by Connie's possible falling asleep to singer Bobby King and Bobby King playing in her confrontation with Arnold, the way that Arnold seems to age surreally in her meeting with him, the repeated references to song and almost cliché song-like quotes that Arnold says in a 'sing-song' tone to Connie (relating of course to maybe listening to the radio while asleep). This nightmare theory would express Connie's feelings about Arnold and her morals and identity in a different and rather interesting way. Instead of seeming like a fairly innocent girl who is preyed upon by an incredible creepy stalker, (which would focus insinuate that Connie does not really want to leave her family but is scared and forced into leaving with Arnold) Connie dreaming and having a nightmare about a confrontation with Arnold would complicate the situation a little more. Firstly, having the event take place in a dream would add to the idea that Connie is yearning to think about escaping town and her family but is too scared to really contemplate the idea consciously. Therefore, her subconscious would explore the sinister and frightening idea in a dream-state because during dreams one is less inhibited on by conscious thought and societal pressures. Secondly, a dream would bring to a larger light that Connie is not being forced to escape her life, but wants to do so. She, however, does not know how to do so, so her worries about the repercussions of escape from her parents and current life are portrayed by the insidious Arnold Friend. Arnold adds to Connie's overall feeling of fate and despair because in her dream he tells her that it is inevitable that she leave with him (thus escaping from her parents) but then along with this inevitable leave comes an inescapable and foreboding fear. Connie's dream expresses her identity and morals in a fate-driven mentality. Connie feels that she is too depressed at home, so her exodus must be made, but such a journey will without a doubt be harrowing. Molded around this idea, her morals are those of a lost and troubled soul. She values escape and see will do immoral things to experience the feeling of escape. Her identity is also that of a troubled youth, not knowing where to turn in her life, so she turns to meaningless sex. Although Connie feels that she has no where to go but to leave, the hope that she lacks can be felt by an audience who knows that compassion and caring could make all of her pain go away.
|
|
joelk
New Member
Posts: 36 
|
Post by joelk on Dec 10, 2013 3:14:22 GMT
Connie compensates for her lack of guidance in finding morals by basing her morals off of her own experience and pleasure. Literally, the only human Connie can look to for moral guidance is herself, since we determined her family, friends, and even friends’ family offer no such support. (I do not believe she is so naïve as to overlook the fact that boys complement her only to get what they want, nor insecure enough to desire these complements to such an extreme degree). In turn, I believe that is what creates Connie’s array of seemingly “negative” morals and identity.
First, we learn Connie is vain. As Oates relates, “She had a…habit of craning her neck to glance into mirrors, or checking other people’s faces to make sure her own was all right” (614). In other words, Connie values physical appearance. Why? Because her appearance is something she can feel happy about—and this happiness is determined entirely by herself. She is the judge of appearance. Her family does not attend church—not to say, of course, that this is the only source or even a better source of morals than any other—nor provide her with any positive encouragement in any academic, social, or other meaningful pursuits. Thus, she adapts to valuing anything that she can admire herself.
Similarly, she seems to value, or seek out, “interactions” with the boys in the restaurant across the street. Once again, we see that she is the judge of the happiness that accompanies these actions. After turning down a boy from high school, Oates writes, “It made [Connie and her friends] feel good to be able to ignore him” (615). Regardless of what the boy may say or do, Connie’s satisfaction comes from her own action, her choice to ignore.
While Connie’s identity is tied to her interactions with boys, these interactions also seem to support the theory that she bases her moral compass off of what allows her to be the judge of her pleasure. Sure, she spends “hours” with boys she has just met, but she doesn’t seem to pursue this course of action because she wants to feel validated by the boy. If that were the case, Oates might mention how Connie specifically values certain boys rather than just giving a brief example-anecdote mentioning Eddie. Actually, as Oates scribes, “…the rest of the time Connie spent around the house…getting in her mother’s way and thinking, dreaming, about the boys she met. But all the boys fell back and dissolved into a single face that was not even a face, but an idea, a feeling, mixed up with the urgent insistent pounding of the music and the humid night air of July” (615-616). Because the boys are all the same in Connie’s memory, we can see that no particular boy is all that special. Similarly, the boys just represent the nights spent at the restaurant, showing that Connie really dreams about being independent. This independence is different, however, than just being independent for the sake of independence, or because Connie feels a need to be independent (that she “should” feel happy about independence). Rather, it seems that Connie sincerely enjoys the nights away from her parents and thus is, once more, the judge of her own happiness—she needs no parent to complement her on her independence or friend to see it. In fact, immediately after that preceding quote, Oates writes, “Connie’s mother kept dragging her back to the daylight by finding things for her to do or…” (216). If Connie’s mother is the actor pulling her from her dreams, which carries a negative connotation, this suggests that Connie views anytime away from her parents as something worth dreaming about. Thus, Connie identifies herself as independent because it makes her happy to do so, and not because her happiness is then determined by any others’ actions.
Overall, Connie compensates for her lack of guidance in morals and identity by turning to the only person she can—herself. She follows any actions that make her directly happy, regardless of what others may think or say. Perhaps it seems hedonistic, but it may also grant insight into how we all might act if the only source of pleasure, or only source of moral affirmation, was our own selves.
|
|
|
|
Post by jessicapollard on Dec 10, 2013 8:17:15 GMT
It doesn't seem to me that Connie suffers from a 'lack' of guidance. Rather, she seems somewhat repulsed by the guidance her family, specifically her mother, provides.
When Connie's mother complains to Connie about her behavior (or perhaps her overuse of hairspray), she is guiding Connie morally. Being a teenaged girl, Connie just doesn't receive it well and instead behaves reversely. Steered away from the 'morals' her mother provides, I find that Connie turns to music.
When I'm stuck home alone some nights, I tend to turn on the evening news. I find immense comfort in hearing the voices of other people, discussing the major events of recent times. Much like a cat, I cannot be isolated long without going ballistic and there is something extremely soothing about the up-to-dateness of the news that really re-incorporates me with the rest of the world. It seems that Connie uses music in the same sort of way.
The radio music of the time has a very consistent presence in the story, and Connie even obeys the radio when 'Bobby King' tells her to listen carefully. It seems to me that she is a faithful follower of her time period's popular culture, which is why when Arnold Friend is playing the same radio show as she was listening to, she feels initially much calmer than she might were he not. Connie has conditioned herself to believe that in situations where symptoms of popular culture prevail, everything is alright.
|
|
|
|
Post by stever on Dec 11, 2013 0:39:13 GMT
As we discussed in class, we often develop our morals from parents or mentors who support and love us. Connie lacks this form of love and support from her parents, so instead she has to turn to the people who love her the most: the boys she meets, and herself. As Joel said, Connie needs to provide herself with love because she does not receive this love from others in her life. Connie loves her own beauty primarily because the boys she meets love and compliment her from her beauty. In a sense, her appreciation of beauty is a moral she has developed through her experience with the boys she meets.
Connie also develops her morals from music. Music, like the boys Connie meets, fill Connie with a feeling of love: "[Connie] bathed in a glow of slow-pulsed joy that seemed to rise mysteriously out of the music itself and lay languidly about the airless little room, breathed in and breathed out with each gentle rise and fall of her chest" (616). Music, like the boys and herself, also provides Connie with a similar feeling of love and well-being, as a mentor or parent should. Thus, music acts as a similar guarding force in her life.
With this in mind, it becomes a lot more clear why Connie chose to open the door and talk to Arnold. Arnold compliments Connie's beauty and is listening to the same music she is, and since music and boys give her a sense of security (which is ironic, considering the danger she is actually in) it makes sense why she would open the door. Also, because music, boys, and herself have been her guiding forces throughout her life, it would also make sense why she was unable to truly assess the danger of her situation. Music and boys have never led her astray, at least, until she meets Arnold Friend -- which is an experience that will presumably change her morals and fundamental outlook on life.
|
|
|
|
Post by pjharris on Dec 11, 2013 0:49:18 GMT
I think Connie has a strong example to follow in her life: her mother. It's just that she is trying to mirror it because she does not want to become what her mother has become. She acknowledges a similarity between her currently and her mother in the past, their beauty, and that means that they start out from a similar place. Connie, seeing her mother has lost her beauty, both physically and in her happiness, does not want to end up a worn out, non-"beautiful" mother who dislikes her own child and has a husband who is essentially absent.
It is not that Connie is compensating for a lack of guidance but is actively taking a direction that will lead her away from her mothers fate by doing things her mother wouldn't (ie. 50's "immoral" behavior). Connie realizes she and her mother both start out at point A. She see's that her mother, following the "old style" up-bringing, went to point B. Point B is not appealing to Connie and so she clings hard and fast to the complete opposite of her mothers upbringing to get from point A to point C.
|
|
|
|
Post by cassiecumberland on Dec 11, 2013 0:56:32 GMT
I think Connie, like many other adolescent/teen beings, thinks she knows better than what her parents tell her. Just as the 60s generation "knew better" than the morals set out by the church or some other "oppressor" or society.I think the saddest part of the novel is not only that sexual predation happens all the time, but that so many young women were and still are susceptible to it because of media, "slut shaming," sexual curiousity, abuse, etc. To Connie and her friends, sex seems like some facade or game as she and her friend joke about how the movie was. But, Oates clearly indicates that everything is all fun and games until it's....not. I believe that Oates, however, may be truly touching on sexism in this story. In the 60's, and still today, sexism is present. Women are treated horribly and as lesser than men from the media, to culture, to homelife. Still today, I hear husbands asking their wives what's for dinner. Although Oates doesn't clearly indicate sexism, I believe she touches on the overbearing pressure for women to be beautiful (and that's ALL they can be) and higlighting the ills of weak women.
Connie is the embodiment of a naive, young, and weak woman in many parts of our nation in world. But I don't think it's Connie's fault, it's clearly society. Connie thinks that her worth is counted through sex or sexual encounters or dominance. Her mother and sister do NOTHING to teach her otherwise, and her friends are just as unaware of the possibilities of the female gender. I think Oates touches on something very important here. I think that she touches on how idiotic these standards for women are and how they ultimately lead to BAD BAD BAD things. I think that Connie goes with Arnold because she's 1. scared of his threats that he'll make her come out and wants to continue to show any kind of dominance in a fragile situation and 2. because she thinks that she has nothing else to strive for in life. I think there are other reasons, and I'm sure I'll learn more after more discussion.
I didn't really answer the question (yet) but I decided to go on my own tangent.
I somewhat agree with Steve that Connie develops her morals from music, but I want to take that a step further and say she develops them from her daydreams of what life would be like in "the city." Connie hears about the defiance of the 60s and wants ever-so-much to be a part of that, that she forgets about her age, her maturity, and how she doesn't live in the city and never has. She is completely naive and it's heartbreaking.
|
|
|
|
Post by sheridanf on Dec 11, 2013 2:03:08 GMT
Connie is one of those character with such a distinct personality that she's hard to forget. At 15, she seems pretty sure of herself- she never expresses any doubts aloud- and she's very extreme with her language and the way she thinks- there's very little room for grey area in her mind. But her compensation for her lack of guidance is manifested in her personality. To me, it seems as though she exaggerates her own qualities. I think sometimes people do this to gain affection and to hide insecurities. We act a bit friendlier or outgoing than we normally do to make friends more easily, and Connie definitely does this. On the outside, she seems very confident, but even in the first paragraph, it says that she had a habit of "checking other people's faces to make sure her own was all right" (614). And when Arnold Friend first shows up, her first thought was about "how bad she looked" (617). I also notice a different in her life at home and her life with her friends. With her friends, she's daring and animated. On her Sunday alone, however, she decides to use the day to simply relax and soak in the music and sun, though originally her personality doesn't seem to be one that can relax.
I believe Connie exaggerates her personality in this way because she doesn't really know who she is, which is due in part to her lack of guidance. She's had no one to help her discover herself but knows that she feels great when she's with friends and boys with cars, so she exaggerates herself in order to be able to enjoy these things.
|
|
|
|
Post by austinellerbruch on Dec 11, 2013 2:03:57 GMT
Most of us (if not all of us) revel to have someone appreciate us for what we do. Some of us may even enjoy what we do only because of the attention that is drawn to us. The prime source of attention in our lives derives from our family, who is also the source of our guidance and morals. Unfortunately, Connie has a family who does no appreciate her for who she is and provides her practically no moral support. This forces her to look elsewhere, to find someone who will allow her to feel good about herself, someone who serves as a source of appreciation for Connie. So she turns to the boys. The boys are Connie's main source of pleasure and therefore her main basis for morality as well. She can find nothing better to do nor find anyone else to please in her life so she does the only thing readily available to her, using her looks to please and attract the boys, so that she may maintain a "purpose" in her purposeless life.
|
|
amychen
New Member
“But the wild things cried, “Oh please don’t go—we’ll eat you up—we love you so!”
Posts: 47 
|
Post by amychen on Dec 11, 2013 4:27:28 GMT
In a way, I feel like Connie and I are two sides of the same coin. This is not to say that I have been raised poorly or strictly, but that I have been raised with moral boundaries I found disagreeable and nonsensical. Similar to how Connie has been pushed to be like her sister June, I have been---or rather used to be---pushed to be the "perfect" (boring) child. To not think about boys until college (and then quickly pursue marriage), go to sleep at ten, study in my "free time"---the point is, I do none of these things.
A big part of why I don't follow the same morals expressed by my parents is that these words of advice don't seem realistic, modern, or particularly exciting. Connie could have become June, the successful 24-year-old live-at-home school secretary. I could have become Alternate Universe Amy, pursuing a career in medicine or law (you know the stereotype) in the hope that someday she might find a passion for either. I would like to argue, however, that Connie and I do not entirely lack moral guidance from our parents. Oates writes, "Sometimes, over coffee, they were almost friends" (Oates 616). It is not that Connie is ignorant to all sense or morality---the biggest problem is that neither or our parents' moral standards have allowed for alternate paths or morality.
While I have been lucky enough to have a reasonable rebel for a brother, books for mentors, and generally morally agreeable teachers to help shape my moral path, Connie only has her seemingly happy and exciting friends and their activities (I hate to say it, but...boys). It's not so much that Connie is rebelling to "show up" her parents, but rather that she is trying to experiment with and somehow find happiness with the morals she finds elsewhere. Unlike me and my books however, Connie's experimenting is more dangerous and extreme. Connie's encounter with Arnold Friend, assuming that Arnold Friend is, in fact, the devil, is a tragedy. Like Oedipus fulfilling his fate while trying to become the opposite of his fate, Connie becomes immoral in her attempt to find morality.
|
|
|
|
Post by kevinle on Dec 11, 2013 4:35:26 GMT
I can relate to Connie's behavior. I happen to have an older brother who is extremely intellectually gifted. He is stronger than me in every academic subject, and he has an incredible motivation when it comes to learning new material, whatever the new material may be. He set many standards for me to reach when I was younger, and I reached very few. This created a sense of disconnect within myself: I wanted to reach the standards, but I knew I realistically couldn't. Instead of continuing to try to solely live up to the standards, I created new standards in the social, athletic, and artistic "worlds." No, I didn't follow the same path as Connie and seek attention from pretty people, but I changed directions slightly to create a new path relatively unknown to my family. I agree with Austin's point about how we desire appreciation. I didn't find much appreciation in trying to be like my brother, but I loved the appreciation I received when I developed new capabilities. It's natural for people to change directions when they feel dissatisfied with their current path.
Connie is dissatisfied with her identity at home. Her mom constantly annoys her, her sister is praised instead of her, and her dad might as well not be mentioned in the story. She receives little positive attention, which everybody likes, so she seeks positive attention outside of home. She lacks moral guidance at home, causing her to develop morals independently. Because morals are unique to an individual, Connie may not think it's immoral to act promiscuously. She lacks appreciation at home, so her morals guide her to find happiness by pleasing people and being appreciated. The easiest way for her to do so happens to be by using her appearance to attract boys. This is what creates her happiness, so she pursues it.
|
|
|
|
Post by racheladele on Dec 11, 2013 5:36:01 GMT
I would like to label Connie as a failed Disney princess. I do not say this because her story has a not-so-happy ending, but for other reasons more personal to Connie herself. Firstly, in almost every Disney movie, the parents are either dead or mean. Either way, they do not provide proper support to the adolescent, just as Connie’s parents do not provide for her. Her home life fits into the mold, and she, like the Disney characters, figures out a way to overcome her parents through forced individual responsibility. Most likely, she would have appreciated and gained from guidance in the form of measured judgment from her parents. This is very important because of the presence of parents throughout life, in a position (and expected) to shape their children. In class, the idea was expressed that Connie could have overcome “nurture” with “nature” and developed admirable morals. Without a balanced flow of assistance from role models, Connie lacks both rigid morals and (due to her nature) the means to form them. I call her a failed princess because she does not overcome challenges or learn from experiences to find a positive path of morality, but rather relishes in her shallow life of daydreams without progressing. Connie also doesn’t succeed in achieving any of the symbolic elements of status that the typical princesses do. She reduces herself to a shallow expression of “love” and immaturity, puts others down to lift herself up, and unfortunately ends her own story before she can escape it.
|
|
|
|
Post by emwolfram on Dec 11, 2013 6:51:36 GMT
Connie wants someone (anyone) to see her. Her father can't look up from his paper long enough to notice her and Connie's mother just sees her as a reminder of her own faded beauty. So Connie turns to boys. Boys who see what they want from her instead of who she is. And it is hard to sympathize with Connie during this story because she willingly plays along. She talks about her sexuality as if that is all she is. But can we blame her? The only time she has been recognized is when someone wants to sleep with her. No one has ever told her that she is worth more than that. I can relate to this in the sense that often I have let people who don't actually see me decide who I am. I think all of us have at one point or another in our lives. Connie's problem is she has no idea who she is. She thinks she does but she is wrong. Her rebellious "adventures" are just desperate attempts to feel like she is someone. I feel so much sympathy for Connie. She is vain and she is naive but she is also so lost. And no one is there to help her find herself.
|
|
|
|
Post by danyhong55 on Dec 11, 2013 7:03:48 GMT
She creates a reality of her own fitting of the morals she chooses and has. In her fantasy realm, which is essentially built upon the (counter-) culture she craves from the window of the music she listens to. In fact, it wouldn't be far-fetched to say that the music creates her reality. In that reality, she creates her own morals based off of hedonistic tendencies that were so very popularized during the 60s. That way , she can, I wouldn't say justify, but continue her escapades and adventures in her reality.
It seems that the reality the music creates represents Connie's pseudo-maturity. At age fifteen, her head is filled with copious amounts of hormones that make her crave the sexuality that comes with maturing and growing older, and to a certain point, she gets it. But what she wants isn't what many would call an unrealistic manifestation of relationship that occur in the "real" and "adult" world. It seems that the music Connie listens to actually propagates these unrealistic thoughts of romance and courtships. The contents of the songs she listens to can be liken to this generation's Taylor Swift's relationship conquests. Like fifteen year old girls today have day dreams similar to story in the music video of "You Belong with Me" (On a side note, this story was published when MTV still aired music videos), Connie probably had the same types of dreams, simply with attire apropos of her time (Namely with Neon-color, poofy jackets, belly-high jeans, and head-bands). This can be seen in her listening music and trashily daydreaming (presumably about boys). Her fulfillment of her dreams bring her excess pleasure as seen in pg. 615: she had a face gleaming with joy that was connected with the music, and infer-ably, her daydreams.
However, these unrealistic expectations of adulthood is suddenly and irrevocably torn away from her when Arnold Friend comes into the picture. In my first read-through, I thought that his physique, for the most part, was desirable. Of course he has a few quirks that make his seem weird. To Connie, who wanted the attention of older men, this was her moment. But now that she had his attention, she was unsure of what next to do. When Arnold approaches the house, Connie is listening to "Bobby King" (pg. 617) and the like, most romanticizing, well, romance. They are almost juvenile in the way that they don't expose the darker sides of sexuality that she is about to experience. When Arnold starts to become apparent that he is at her house to not only give Connie a ride but give her a "ride," the story takes a dark turn and the music disappears, replaced with "Something roaring" (pg. 623). As that music was torn away, she lost her misguided perception of what "adult" sexuality really is, the one that her music said it was.
This fake creation of a reality through music and idealism of the 60s, Connie creates morals and rules that fit this fake reality. This morals and rules, however, are not compatible for the "real" world in that unsafe sex can lead to pregnancy and STDs, or that crossing a highway can lead to serious injury and death, or riding off with a stranger will cause for an amber alert. Because she didn't receive much moral guidance nor an accurate representation of reality to build her own morals, she compensated by creating an imperfect set of morals of an imperfect reality.
|
|
|
|
Post by davidqin on Dec 11, 2013 7:05:45 GMT
Connie seems like the typical small-town teenager, complete with a misguided life and a sense of aimless wandering. She is definitely looking for guidance, but she is wandering fruitlessly about, kind of like Siddhartha's quest to find self while he was a Samana. Unfortunately, her parents are useless as a source of moral guidance. Her dad is completely silent and absent from the story, while her mom fights with Connie and presents a constant negative and combative attitude. Faced with this lack of compassion, she gravitates to those who show compassion to her, the boys around town. She doesn't seem to realize their compassion is feigned, and the multitude of boys "dissolved into a single face that was not even a face, but an idea, a feeling" (615-636). Her attempt to replace the guidance she lacks in life instead pushes her toward an abyss of dangerous, superficial relationships with boys. I also think we established that sex was meaningless to her (or maybe the relationships, I can't remember for sure). In any case, they point to her leading a very careless life devoid of sincerity. Boys are only there to give her the steadiness that she seeks. Consequently, she takes on an over-independent attitude to compensate for her lack of parental guidance, leading her taking towards the loose morals of the boys in town.
Gary posits that Connie's encounter with Arnold Friend is entirely a dream. Most fortuitously, I am currently in the sleep and dream unit in psychology. Freud believed that dreams are a reflection of our unconscious desires and emotions, as well as a source of latent content (the hidden meaning behind a dream). Furthermore, dreams are an extension of concerns in the waking world as well as an attempt by the unconscious brain to resolve emotional conflicts. If we take Gary's viewpoint that Connie was sleeping the whole time (considering the music playing in the dream is playing in real life and the illogical aging process Arnold undergoes), then it is entirely possible that Connie's dream is attempting to resolve the existential issues she is facing. The reassuring facade put on by Arnold shows that Connie desires someone to guide her and to comfort her, yet she also has her own misgivings about the true motivations of boys. Arnold's offer for her to go to the field (perhaps a reference to the Elysian fields where people go after they die) also suggests a suppressed desire to end her disjointed life.
|
|
